Greg Olsen’s Rap Music is Destroying Our Country’s Moral Fabric

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MIAMI - Recently our Presidential Candidate was in Miami to supposedly “cover” the Heat - Bulls playoff series. However, the real truth to the matter is that “Really” Jay Mariotti was on a top secret covert investigation concerning the Bears top draft pick, tight end Greg Olsen.

Our intrepid reporter discovered the following horrific truth of young Mr. Olsen:

And here the Bears thought they simply were drafting their best tight end since Mike Ditka. Tough as Ditka is, even he wouldn’t understand why a talented college football player, with a bright future cut out for him even then, would record such a song just because ”it was written for us.” I guess it can be explained away as the culture at Miami, but the matter still begs questions.

Such as, did the Bears know about Olsen and the tape? And if they did, why did they draft him? The reason I ask is because Angelo and Lovie Smith, throughout the Johnson debacle, continued to insist they would emphasize good character in the acquisition of players. I realize no one has been shot, assaulted or raped, and that in the grand scheme of athlete-related crime, these are words in a free-speech society.

He is thoroughly disgusted by Mr. Olsen’s rap message and vows to protect America from these harmful thoughts and words of expression. It is unfathomable to our campaign camp why the Bears would select this poster child of destruction from Miami rather than a good hearted fine young man from Boise State.

In addition, a special joint task force between Fucktard our candidate and a certain Fat Loud Mouth Bitch Pigthe esteemed Ms. Rosie O’Donnell is to be formed to insure that all necessary measures of censorship safety are enforced. Chicago is no city to harbor such vulgarity and undesirable characters. Is it not enough that we must live in fear of Tank Johnson and Ricky Manning Jr.?

Developing story. Stay tuned.

Published in: on May 1, 2007 at 8:41 am

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6 Comments Leave a comment.

  1. On May 1, 2007 at 9:10 am BigBadBill Said:

    Mr. Really Jay Mariotti needs a nice weekend at Wilton Manors to soothe his furrowed brow. He is only angry because his prostrate is close to exploding. Paco can help.

  2. On May 1, 2007 at 9:54 am Hino Said:

    I thought Tinky just returned from Wilton Manors. Did he have a bad trip or was he shunned there as he is here? Evidently Paco must have forgotten his tanning lotion and poor Tinky burned his non-existent winky. Maybe Paco is infatuated with Mr. Olsen and Tinky is jealous of Paco’s new man crush.

  3. On May 1, 2007 at 9:55 am boisewantsjay Said:

    Pre-mature ejaculation and frequent urination are grave concerns of our candidate.

    An offer of endorsement to Flomax has yet to be returned.

    Ooops? Should we have disclosed that information to the public?

    - BWJM Campaign HQ

  4. On May 1, 2007 at 11:15 am FredSox49 Said:

    Welcome back, BWJM. Glad to see we’ll be getting a different perspecitve from those nasty Creatures at JTJ.

  5. On May 1, 2007 at 12:12 pm boisewantsjay Said:

    Fred,

    It is great to back. We decided to take a “Mariotti vacation”. In reality, we sat in our homes and pouted until we got paid. It worked for our candidate last year, and it served us well now.

    Nothing wrong with receiving a promissory note for third party payer diner checks, is there?

    Regards,

    BWJM HQ

  6. On May 1, 2007 at 4:34 pm SouthSideSlim Said:

    It’s good to see BWJM back. We need more hard hitting stories like this one.

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